| Part I: Reverence to the late Pastor Jay Alford My instinct is to rely upon my intelligence and wit, mostly my intelligence though because my wit often lags behind and doesn't carry the speed I often wish it to carry. As you can imagine, this sort of self-reliance quite frequently goes hand in hand with that dreadful sin of pride by which we all ail. It's because I know the egregious effects of this deadly sin of pride that when I see genuine humility that I can't help but conjure up honor and respect to the object of its bearer. I learned of such an individual in the past few days and that is Pastor Jay Alford. He's a hero to many in Youngstown, Ohio and his fame has grown to iconic proportions, pastoring a church for twenty-eight years in this beloved town. However, it's not fiery preaching or charisma that has earned this man the acclaim he now humbly lays hold of, but his dedication and commitment to the work of building God's kingdom, namely, that ever so elusive work of simply loving. Pastor Alford is not a man foreign to accomplishments. He has been the father and founder of eighteen churches in the local area and a private Christian academy in Youngstown, has raised over 10 million dollars for missions, 66 million to develop homes for low and middle income families, and single-handedly paved the way for the city's first African-American candidate to be elected as city mayor through the influence of his endorsement and that of over a 100 other local pastors, which he rallied. To examine and delve any deeper into the details of these accomplishments would demonstrate nothing less than the magnanimity and authenticity of God's precious miracles, but such details must be shared in conversation for still words on a stale sheet of paper would hardly do these works the justice deserved. Though in introduction, I will mention that upon raising over ten million dollars for missions, the Lord weighed on his heart the ever so cumbersome question, "What have you done for your very own city?" Challenged by the Lord's loving chastisement--intended by the Lord I'm sure not as disapproval to any work done prior, but the gentle nudge of a loving Father to ever increase in his children the understanding of the very depths of the gospel and in turn, His own heart--Pastor Alford sold his home and resolved to labor for the Lord in the inner city. Firmly believing that you ought to be a part of the community in which you minister, he and his wife became the only white family to move into a predominately black neighborhood, just a few miles from where you might label as "the hood". The white folks thought he was crazy probably just as much as the black folks that watched him move in; Pastor Alford minded no one, but his Lord. At Pastor Alford's memorial service a number of pastors spoke, many of whom Pastor Alford personally mentored. Without fail, each individual mentioned Pastor Alford's dependence on God and his commitment to prayer and God's Word. It’s been six months since Pastor Alford has passed on to be with the Lord, yet his legacy lives on. The fruit of the Lord’s work through this man’s faith blessed me deeply, bringing me back to a place of reflection and repentance. I am convinced that even in our self-absorption and ego-centric frame of mind, we will at any moment recognize nobility when faced with it; if not because of the worth of nobility in its resemblance to Christ, at the very least because of the shame it exposes in its luminescence. God forbid, even if our hearts grow calloused to the point by which we feel not a tingling in our conscience that we overlook the very work of the Lord’s hands and all its glory. Pastor Alford’s work and my experience here have inspired the cause of my repentance in surrendering further to Jesus…and for that I am eternally grateful. Part II: Personal Reflection I came to Ohio looking for a three week temp job; instead, God's been acquainting me with the life of this man through his now widowed wife, grandmother Alford. In the midst of watching godly entertainment such as, The Price is Right and Judge Judy, eating at the Golden Corral, and going on my daily walk with grandmother Alford, God has revealed much of what is in His Heart and that which is unfortunately in my own. I’ve been placed in positions of influence and leadership throughout college and even times prior; however, I regretfully confess that I had not truly lived for Jesus, but my own vain glory. Though there is a side which hopes to vindicate in part or abate the severity of the confession, I refrain to do so as there is no such thing as partiality when living as a disciple of Christ. When the Lord of the universe dictates that He has given his utmost Love, to receive that Love demands from you not an ounce less than your all in its utmost entirety. When God first called me to be a missionary I was 15 years old. If asked in that year, whether I would leave my family, financial security, comfort, and all, I would’ve pled “yes” without a second thought. Some seven years later, in due time, the Lord sifted my heart and tested my faith with fire, but by this time my faith had clearly dwindled to mere vapors. Though the mission field lay before me, I chose to stay because of family. My father suffered a minor stroke and was not working; my brother was not doing well in school and was in need of guidance. I chose to stay because of financial security. I had debt accrued from expenses which came from my father who was sick and wasn’t working. I was eventually put in a position where I naturally became responsible for our financial survival. In response, I crafted a careful exit plan. I figured I would work a sales job for about two years because I knew salesmen always made the most money; then, I would pay off my debt, give some money to my dad and leave. My naivety was exposed when I began to do sales and realized the underhandedness, manipulation, and disingenuous charm necessary in becoming a reputable salesman. I struggled with my moral conscience for the first six months; and hated life the remaining six months as I possessed great disdain for the nature of the business, but felt trapped in it due to my financial situation. I lacked faith and attempted to fix a problem independent of the Lord’s help. I did not pray, wholeheartedly. I lifted up mild prayers at best for prayer’s sake, but I did not seek God. I just planned, contrived, and lived of my own accord in mere hopes that God’s hand would be interlocked with my initiative. I was so intelligent, so mature, so independent, so reasonable, and so proud that I truly felt not the need to inquire of the Lord. At the time, my heart was void of the childlike faith that would ask, “Lord despite my apparent circumstances, what is Your Will my Lord, Jesus?” For in retrospect, I can speculate that God would ask me, “Do you love me more than your own Father and brother? Do you think you love your family more than I love them and can care for them better than I, if I called you to leave them to work in the mission field? How much is your debt compared to the infinite riches that I possess on the Heavens and on Earth? Do you think I cannot provide what you need, if I call you to go even in this instant? My son, will you step in faith and follow me…?” I know not if the Lord would’ve spoken such to me, but how dare I think myself so clever not to ask. For I view myself now after a year of turmoil, strayed from the Lord, completely discontent and broken. I ignored the Lord and he left me in the wrath of my own sin, of faithlessness. But, who am I without Christ? I am nothing, with no more value than the absolute filth that I am, deserving only death; not just a death, but of eternal damnation and the scourging of my godless soul. For my faith in Christ IS everything. It is my every breath, my every joy, my every love. All my affections I give unto Christ. How dare I think that this body is mine and forget to thank the Lord for the privilege of my limbs to walk freely, to enjoy the blessing of air and not suffocation; how could I not be in gratitude for the blessedness to see the beauty of the world to praise God and to see the world in its gross injustice that we would feel the affections of the Lord to heal the wounded and uplift the marginalized. How could I take grace so cheaply that I do not run as if to win the prize, or that I do not beat my body into submission for the sake of the gospel? In the absence of such reverence, Satan forms beneath me footholds right under my nose, of subtle, but ever growing complacency, slothfulness, indiscipline, selfishness, gluttony, and all the variations of death. Then, one day, the subtlety wanes, and presents itself a cancer in my soul. However, of my gravest sins is idolatry. I too, often worship not Jesus, but my counterfeit, makeshift Christ who is grotesquely distorted and conformed to the values that I hold dear to my heart. While advocating for justice, my treasure is justice itself—its righteousness, the beautiful thought of my very own hands fighting for good, the gratifying feeling of caring for its victims and doing what is right. Too many times, I love healing more than my Healer, the idea of love and community more than its Father, emotions and sensation over a genuine meeting with Christ. Despite the fact that the Healer is present during healing, the Father in the midst of my faith community, my Lord to meet with me as he stirs my heart and emotions, I choose to ignore Him for my idolatrous heart is content with the virtues itself and is satisfied without Him. I loved more the experience of Christianity than the person of my Lord Jesus Christ and for that I am an idolater. Now, empowered by the grace of God, I will strive to wholeheartedly follow Jesus; though my attempts may be meager, but I pray they would be genuine. The Lord’s kindness has truly led me to repentance that I no longer live life by my own merit or wits, but the single item from us, which pleases God and that is faith. Even now, just beginning to redirect my steps toward faith, I feel ever more strongly that I am a mere sojourner in this world. This world is not my end and I stand convicted to live a life apart from it—that though I reside within its confines, I am not bound by its cravings or perils. There must not be a thing in my life that I could not sacrifice for Christ in any given moment, whether it be my dearest loved one to the most trivial pleasure. Being apart from the world does not mean abstinence from all tarnished and tainted and our effective society, but rather its embrace. However, we must recognize that this world is temporal, thus we ought not to invest in the ephemeral, but our eternal Lord and Savior who will cause us to embrace the world truly with His love. I know though that this will be a struggle and I ask for your prayers because just yesterday I had a random thought of what if God tells me stop listening to Linkin Park, or maybe even Tupac…so I stopped thinking about it real fast so it wouldn’t happen…haha But, if God were to speak into my heart—which he didn’t for the record—I must obey though for Christ demands my all. God bless and I’d appreciate support in prayer for this seemingly new journey. I’m also always glad to give them back =] |
